How To Help An Alcoholic

How To Talk To Someone About Their Drinking

Helping someone with an alcohol use disorder (AUD) can be confusing, overwhelming, and intimidating. Many people don’t know where to start.

Often, having a conversation with an alcoholic doesn’t go as expected. It can turn into an argument where negative behaviors take over a conversation that started as loving and caring. To avoid a negative outcome, follow these six steps:

1. Get The Facts

Education and knowledge can give you an advantage when trying to help an alcoholic. You want to be prepared with facts, not assumptions. Fortunately, it is very easy to obtain facts about alcoholism and the different types of alcoholics. You can do some research online to better understand how the disease works.

Alcoholism is a brain disease, not a choice. The brain plays a significant role in why a person cannot quit. Understanding how alcohol affects the brain and body will give you a better understanding of why quitting is so hard.

2. Pick Your Time

It is best to try and talk with your loved one while they are sober and not under the influence of substances. Trying to communicate with someone who is unable to speak or think clearly is a waste of time. The alcohol has affected parts of their brain that won’t allow them to understand or remember what you are trying to say.

Speak to them when they are sober and not hungover. If they are rarely sober, choose a time when they are least intoxicated and can participate in the conversation.

3. Express Your Concerns In A Non-Judgmental Way

Most people with an addiction already feel judged by others. They are often very critical of themselves because they want to stop drinking but can’t.

When you talk to them, avoid coming across as judgmental by avoiding making damaging statements. It is best to talk about how their alcoholism makes you feel. Believe it or not, your loved one does not want to hurt you with their behavior. Sometimes, they don’t realize they are hurting you. They think they are only hurting themselves. It’s critical to express your concerns in a calm, loving manner.

4. Prepare What You Are Going To Say

Some people with an AUD may challenge you to provide examples of how their alcoholism affects or concerns you. Be prepared to do so and be specific. For instance, if they missed a family event to spend time at the bar or borrowed money from you to purchase alcohol when they told you it was for someone else.

It may help to write a letter or list things you want to communicate with them. If you get nervous, you can read your letter instead of trying to rely on memory in a tense moment.

5. Encourage Them To Be Open And Listen To What They Say Without Judgment

Explain to your loved one that you want to listen to what they say, just like they listened to you. Also, make it clear to them that you are not judging them. Don’t take any negative statements personally since they would likely not say those things if sober. Do not dismiss their feelings or argue whether what they say is true. Their perspective may be different than yours, but it is theirs.

6. Be Prepared To Offer Them Support

At some point in the conversation, you should offer them the opportunity to get help. Before your meeting, prepare what you will offer as far as support for someone with alcoholism. Depending on your relationship, the offers will vary.

Some examples of how to help a loved one with an alcohol addiction include the following:

• Helping them find alcohol addiction treatment
• Helping them find a 12-step program
• Driving them to a treatment center or hospital for an assessment
• Making the initial call with them to a treatment center
• Attending a support group meeting with them

Many families and friends of someone with an AUD benefit from partaking in some form of family therapy or support group for themselves. They recognize they must make changes also to avoid enabling their loved one to relapse.

Recognizing An Alcohol Use Disorder

Recognizing the common signs of an alcohol use disorder is essential when trying to help an alcoholic. While signs will vary from person to person, common examples include:

• They may not be able to control how much they drink or when to stop drinking.
• They have cravings that make them obsess over getting and drinking alcohol.
• They seem to drink much more alcohol than before, but the effects are the same; they have a higher tolerance.
• They must drink alcohol to get rid of shakiness, a bad mood, or to feel normal.
• They hide alcohol around the house.
• They prefer to drink over doing any other activities.
• They isolate themselves to drink.
• They have memory lapses or blackouts when drinking.
• They cannot quit drinking even though they are experiencing legal, personal, professional, and social consequences.
• They experience alcohol withdrawal symptoms, like nausea, vomiting, muscle spasms, or shaking, when they go without drinking.

Some people with an alcohol use disorder will go to great lengths to obtain and use alcohol, even if it means lying or putting themselves at risk.

It is good to understand the signs of alcoholism so that you can know how to help. Physically, people who drink often have bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, a lack of coordination, poor judgment, and inappropriate behaviors.

How To Help An Alcoholic During Rehab And Recovery

When someone with an AUD enters rehab, that is the beginning of their recovery journey and yours. You both must make changes to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

When they return home, recovery can be more challenging than when they are in rehab without access to alcohol. They are trying to avoid relapse by implementing the skills they learned in treatment, which can be a struggle at times. There are steps you can take to prepare for their return to support their recovery, and you can start while they are in rehab:

• Learn everything you can about recovery.
• Learn what to expect when your loved one returns.
• Learn how to improve your physical and mental health.
• Learn how to create a sober environment.
• Learn how to avoid enabling behaviors.
• Learn how to encourage healthy activities and choices.

If you misuse alcohol or drugs, take this time to enter treatment so you can heal and be a better support for your loved one. You must avoid drinking or using drugs in front of someone in recovery.

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What To Do If Your Loved One Doesn’t Want Help

Unfortunately, not everyone with an alcohol use disorder will accept help when it is offered to them. When this happens, you must be prepared to set specific boundaries that are healthy for you and them. You must also communicate these boundaries effectively and follow through with them.

Some people refer to this as creating a bottom line with an alcoholic. Creating a bottom line can often be the catalyst for getting your loved one to enter treatment. It involves avoiding behaviors that enable your loved one to continue drinking. Alcoholic intervention tips suggest the following:

• Avoiding giving them money
• Making them move out of your home
• Taking a car away from them
• Avoiding giving them rides
• Quitting making excuses for them

You must make it as hard as possible for them to continue drinking. You must also seek counseling or support for yourself to help you with the emotions associated with having a loved one who doesn’t want help for their addiction.

What To Do If Your Loved One Relapses

Relapses are a common part of the recovery process. They are not a reason to condemn your loved one, fight with them, or make them feel bad about relapsing. Instead, encourage them to get back into treatment as soon as possible after the relapse. This can feel like restarting the process, but it must be done. Reestablish your boundaries and encourage them to get help.

Most importantly, separate yourself from their behaviors. Realize you cannot control them and focus on your physical and mental health. Attend support groups, get therapy, and continue to thrive in your own life.

How To Take Care Of Yourself

Self-care is crucial for everyone, especially those helping a loved one with an alcohol addiction. It refers to specific actions that help you maintain good health, physically and psychologically. If you are not healthy, you can’t take care of someone else who is not healthy. Examples of self-care include the following:

• Improve your sleeping habits
• Improve your diet and fitness routines
• Practice mindfulness
• Take time for hobbies
• Have fun
• Seek help for minor or major health concerns
• Learn a new skill
• Spend time socializing

The key to self-care is to make yourself a priority. Attend to the little things you’ve been putting off while taking care of others. Practice stress management and relaxation. Attend a support group explicitly established for the loved ones of an alcoholic, such as:

• Al-Anon Family Groups, where everyone understands what you are going through and can offer emotional support.
• Al-Ateen is similar to Al-Anon, but it is for teenagers living with an alcoholic loved one.
• Families Anonymous is a 12-step group that helps you focus on your healing.
• Codependents Anonymous, another 12-step group, helps you have healthy relationships with yourself and loved ones.
• Adult Children of Alcoholics is a group for those raised in an abusive environment, such as having alcoholic parents.
• Parents of Addicted Loved Ones is a group for more than just parents. It is for anyone who has taken a parental-type role with an alcoholic.

How To Get Started

If you are looking to help an alcoholic and get more information on treatment options, explore our rehab directory, where you can search by substance, location, level of care, and insurance provider.

If you’d like to speak to a treatment provider, reach out today to discuss your treatment options.